


Mad Love

by hernamewasalice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Batman - Freeform, Batman crossover, Crimes & Criminals, Depression, F/M, Harley Quinn - Freeform, Insanity, Joker - Freeform, Love, Modern Era, Police officers, Sexual Relationships, Soulmates, Triggers, Unhealthy Relationships, mad love inspired
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:11:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7944307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hernamewasalice/pseuds/hernamewasalice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm Kylo to the world and Joker to my Knights of Ren. Do you want to know why they call me Joker? Because everything's a joke to me," Kylo to Rey. (a reylo version of joker/harley quinn's mad love storyline).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One: Welcome to the Asylum/Chapter Two: Joker/Chapter Three: Pudding

**Author's Note:**

> This is a compilation of three chapters I wrote. Originally posted on my fanfiction :)

It was dark. Cold. Gloomy. It was everything but quiet. There's screaming and laughing and sounds of pain happening all at once. There were no metal bars for cells but instead thick metal rooms that were canny to butchery rooms.

Rey was perplexed and slightly terrified. She had never seen anything like this before.

"Hey rookie, hurry up!" Officer Trin shouted.

"I'm coming!" she said immediately, quickening her pace.

Officer Trin sneered as he wiped the tip of his mustache. "You graduated top of your class and yet you're clueless. It's like you were born yesterday" he sneered. Trin was a lanky man with black hair and and eyes. He was unapologetic and insensitive due to his many years of service.

She frowned but held down her tongue. Instead she tightened her ponytail and fixed her uniform as she followed him. She was new. She had a lot to learn. Short tempered as he was, she knew that he was right. In the academy, she was a natural but here, out in the real world, she was lost. Rey exhaled and furrowed her eyebrows. She shouldn't be nervous.

This was an asylum.

She wasn't going to work here.

She would be working in the police station on the opposite side of town.

"This is a miserable place," she mumbled out loud. It was more miserable than prison. The people here were mentally ill - some knew what they are doing while most don't.

Officer Trin turned and looked at her. "You don't even know the half of it," his voice was faint. "I was a guard here long ago."

Rey nodded at him in sympathy.

"It's gotten worse here, the patients. They're getting smarter. Stronger. You wouldn't last a day working here, Freckles." He became smug.

Rey scolded him and scrunched up her nose. She was stronger than she looked and could easily take him down but she doesn't. He was higher rank than her. He had more experience than her. She exhaled and muttered to herself, reminding herself that she will work her way up to gain some respect. Commissioner Skywalker had recruited her and yet no one took her seriously.

It wasn't because she was a woman that was for sure. There were plenty of women in the police force. They didn't take her seriously because of her appearance, her scrawny frame.

No matter what she did, she couldn't gain weight or muscles.

She was small, the runt of the litter.

And because she was new to this city. She didn't grow up here. She was born and raised in Jakku City and attended the police academy there as well. She was foreign here, disadvantaged.

"Well get used to this, Freckles. Throughout your service, you will be here from time to time for different cases."

"I'm quite aware," she said dryly, keeping herself contained.

"The tour is not over yet, I haven't shown you the quarantined area."

"We're still walking, I didn't think we were done to begin with," she snapped.

Trin ignored her and navigated her to the area that high profiled and dangerous patients were kept. It worse here, chaotic. She sees nurses and guards going in and out in distress and hears patients banging their heads and fists against the soft walls that covered the metal rooms. What disturbed Rey the most was how clean the place was. So spotless - how it smelled of bleach and dried bloody gauze. The halls felt so long, like a trap.

She doesn't see any of the patients but hearing them from their cells in enough for her to know that they are dangerous. A threat to society.

"As bad as they are, they aren't bad as him."

Rey raised an eyebrow. "Who's him?"

Trin stopped in place and blinked. "Ben Solo."

Rey shrugged quietly.

"You don't know who he is?"

"No," she raised her eyebrow again.

"Don't you know what happened five years ago?" he asked in shock.

"No," she responded quietly again. She feels embarrassed, naive. Her whole life was in Jakku city. All she knew was Jakku. "What happened?"

"He's Commissioner Skywalker's nephew."

She blinked in interest. Commissioner Skywalker had a nephew?

"Ben was lieutenant in our police force. He was a great leader. He was about to be promoted until he had a mental breakdown. He joined the Knights of Ren gang -

"Ren?" Rey blinked. "As in Kylo Ren?"

Trin nodded. "That's his affiliation name."

"I have heard of him." She remembers hearing about him, how he broke out everyone in prison and the asylum and led a massacre. She remembers it - hearing about how many lives were lost. She remembers seeing the images of dead tortured bodies lined up in the burning city. It was gruesome, the most horrific massacre.

Trin shook his head in sadness. "He killed anyone that came in contact to him that day - public figures, colleagues, strangers, everyone. He even killed the people he freed - he even killed his own father He's kept in isolation here, away from everyone. He's kept in the underground level."

\---------  
Her heart skipped a beat. "How long has he been here?"

"A few months," Trin answered.

She nodded. "I see. What made him break down?"

Trin shrugged and rubbed the temples of his cheeks. "No one knows. I knew him for years too - he was such a nice guy. We were great friends - there was no sign of depression or anything - he just went mad."

Rey raised her eyebrow in disbelief. Everyone gets sad. "Maybe he was depressed when no one was around," she suggested.

He shrugged in doubt. "Depressed about what? He had a family who loved him and there's no mental or health records of him being unstable. He had friends as well and he graduated top of his class, was a high rank and was going to be promoted until he broke down. It was out nowhere. He broke down the day before the promotion party and just went around town shooting people."

She swallowed hard.

"Commissioner Skywalker is trying to rehabilitate him," he added weakly.

"No luck?"

He shook his head. "Ben's too far gone. He's been Kylo Ren for five years now." He cleared his throat and then gestured her to walk faster. "We're down with the tour. Let's go back to the station."

And that was that. Rey didn't go back to the asylum. She forgotten about it with all the work that was assigned to her. She was still new and so she was assigned to paper work and tagging along with low level cases. It wasn't until a couple months in that she was assigned to go to the asylum to cover a case with Trin.

\-----------  
"What's going on?" she asked in the police car.

"Nothing much. We need to ask a couple questions to Ben. Commissioner Skywalker believes that Ben's still able to communicate with the Knights of Ren."

"How can that be? He's still in the asylum."

"Yes but he isn't like the other patients. He knows the ins and outs of this place."

"But he's locked up."

Trin became annoyed. "We're here on an order so stop asking questions," he grumbled. He turned up the radio and then turned it off. "Anyways Officer Finn caught one of the members, Hux from a shooting a few nights ago. Hux informed Finn that he was following orders and received the floor plans from Ben. Whatever you do don't underestimate him."

__________  
She was about to go inside the room but Trin stops her. "Stay here," he ordered.

"Why?" her eyes narrowed.

"Don't ask me why. I already told you," he grumbled.

Rey bit her tongue, suppressing her temper. Everyone was holding her back from learning - trying. It was infuriating. She wanted to scream.

"I hear a woman's voice," she hears him say - Ben. He said it in such a low voice, such a calming manner. Playful almost.

Trin pushed Rey back as he went in, closing the door behind.

Trin's eyes widened in shock at his once colleague and friend. Ben was wrapped in bindings, unable to move his arms. He looked paler, with unruly hair and dark circles around his eyes. He looked ill. He was sitting on the ground, looking up at Trin as if he was a stranger. Does Ben remember him?

Kylo looked up at him with large eyes. "I hear a woman's voice. Is she here to play with me?" he asked.

"That's a ridiculous question and you know it," Trin muttered. "I have a few questions to ask you," he said sternly, remaining on the subject.

Kylo smirked at him then. "I want to see her," he said, letting out a smile. He exhaled and closed his eyes and concentrates. "I hear her breathing. She sounds so small. It's been such a long time that I've touched a woman," he lets out a small moan. "Why won't you let me see her Trin?" he asks, with one eye open.

"For obvious reasons, Ben. I don't trust you and I don't trust her."

His eyes shot open in interest. "Interesting. And why is that?"

Trin doesn't answer.

"She's new isn't she?" he smirked, licking his lips. "I like those, they're very easy to manipulate."

Instinctively Trin reached for his gun -

"You shouldn't worry though," Kylo says, sensing his thoughts. "As long as she's kept out, she'll be protected. But in return you are preventing her from growing. And what kind of leader will that make you be? That's why you've stuck in the same rank for all these years, all you do is run people to the ground. You'll never be a leader."

"Your uncle is out of his mind for assigning an officer with no experience to a high level case like this," Trin growled.

Kylo laughed, showing his teeth. "How do you think I end up like this?"

"What are you talking about Solo?"

"Skywalker loves to make people go mad. After all he's the King Joker himself."  
_____________  
Rey paced around frantically outside of the cell. She was about to jump out of her skin. It's been over an hour and Trin hasn't gotten out yet. She should go inside and check up on things but she was under Trin's orders to stay outside. Rey mumbled. She started to tap her foot, mentally counting.

One. Two. Three.

Trin's not out.

Four. Five. Six.

She hears screaming.

Immediately she went inside the cell but froze at the sight.

There was screaming but it was screams of amused laughter.

Trin was violently beating Kylo with a baton but Kylo remained unfazed and laughed even though his eye and chin were blackening. Kylo was laughing sadistically. "You have to do better than that," Kylo said out loud. His laughter became faint the second he sensed Rey's presence. He examined her in silence as Trin beat him. She was short and small with wide hazel eyes. Kylo's eyes flickered in interest. He purposely licked his bloody lips, catching her attention.

Rey stiffened.

Kylo winked at her then.

Kylo was quiet but Trin didn't notice. Trin didn't piece the evidence that Rey was standing here.

"What are you doing? What's going on?" Rey yelled at Trinh.

Trin stopped himself and glared at her. "I told you to stay outside!" he said defensively. "Get the fuck out. The bastard has this coming-

Kylo swiped his leg and knocked him down. Swiftly Kylo stood up and broke free from his bonds. This all happened so fast.

Before she could react he has her pressed to the wall. "What's your name honey?" he asked, breathing on to her skin. His gaze was all over her, imagining what she looked liked if she wasn't covered up. He touched her cheek and she shivered from the touch of his cold fingers.

She shoved him away from him. "Get off of me," she said through gritted teeth.

He laughed. "I would have to be on you first honey before I can do that." He went forward and threw her down to the floor. He climbed on top of her and pinned her by the wrists. "Are you sure you want me off of you?" he asked sadistically, his voice becoming hoarse. "Frankly I really like this pose."

______  
Kylo leaned towards her, pressing his cheek onto hers. He inhaled her scent and let out a satisfied moan. "You smell so good," he purred, tightening his grip on her. "Aw don't think you can easily break away from my grasp." He moved his head and ghosted towards her lips.

Rey gritted her teeth at the sight of his finger moving towards her mouth.

He let out a cold laugh. He was amused. "Feisty," he taunted in a low voice. "Ah ah. No, open up," he grabbed her shaking head. He clutched her chin and flashed her a dark smile.

"Get your hands off of me," she growled. She kicked him but he feels no pain.

"Aw you want to get out? All you have to do is call me pudding," he whispered to her, his hands moving back to her wrists.

Her eyes narrowed and she let out a stubborn scream. She kicked and tried to break out but his hands were on hers, marking into her, bruising her.

Trin reacted quickly and pulled Kylo off of her. Rey immediately bounced back and reached for her cuffs.

Kylo laughed. "That's the best the police force can do? She's not even trained to defend herself. I'm even holding back. She's defenseless."

Something in her snapped. She slammed his face to the wall hard as she tightened the cuffs. "Don't underestimate me," she growled back.

He chuckled. "I didn't say I did," he answered back. Unaffected. He has his hands behind his back now but he manages to gently grasp a finger with his. "You know I can teach you," he whispered. He turned his head slightly to her and gave her a gentle look. He looks at her lovingly for a brief moment. It was just a moment but it stirred something in her.

The was warmth in his eyes.

Rey blinked but shook it off and shoved him to his bed. "Don't ever touch me," she threatened.

He laughed again. "There's no need for me to touch you. Pretty soon you will be the one that wants to touch me."

Rey rolled her eyes but stiffened slightly. There was something about the way he said it, almost an omen.

"Go outside now," Trin yelled at her. "You already caused enough trouble."

Rey wanted to scold him for talking to her like that in front of a prisoner but she doesn't. She knows better than the strength of her temper.

"Rey," Kylo calls out to her, almost humming.

She went pale and turned to him. "How did you - oh," she finished her thought. Her name tag - he managed to read her badge.

"Visit me honey."  
\------  
"I told you stay outside," Trin repeated for the fifth time during the car ride back to the station. He was in a bad mood, muttering to himself.

"I thought you were in danger."

"Well you were mistaken. I ended up saving your ass, Freckles."

"Yeah. Yeah." Barely, she wanted to say.

"He's quite smitten with you. I never seen him act lie that before."

"He's crazy. You know that."

"But he never acted like that before. He never harassed any females before. He was showing affection to you. He was flirting with you in his own jacked up way."

"Jeez I must be special," she spat out. Deep inside she was disturbed. Kylo looked at her as if she was his property. He was an animal, attempting to mark his territory. "Did he give you any information?"

"No," he cursed underneath his breath. "There's no evidence of him breaking out either or any captured footage."

"Maybe his followers were throwing the police force off."

"If that's true then why?"  
___________

After work she goes to visit her boyfriend. She had been with her boyfriend for three years now. They were in love ever since he was first stationed to the city. She eagerly ran to him and kissed him.

"I missed you so much." She meant it. She meant every word. She hadn't seen him in months. They were long distanced, his work took him away from her for months.

Poe chuckled and petted her hair. "I missed you - what happened to your wrists?" his face fell. Her wrists were bruised and there was evidence of scratch marks.

She shook it off. "It's nothing. It's just from work." She painted a smile on her face and began to change the subject.

Poe lifted her wrist and kissed all the bruises as fast as he could. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

She pulled her hand away and tugged on his sleeve. "You get hurt all the time, you don't hear me complaining," she teased.

"That's different. It's -

"Me? I'm no different than the women in your work. They get hurt too."

"They're different. They're not my girlfriend."

A handful were, she wanted to say. There was so many things that she wanted to say. "I'm not weak, Poe," her eyebrows furrowed. "I can protect myself."

"I didn't say you were - what's wrong babe? What happened today?"

"Nothing." She couldn't tell him. He was already nervous about her being in the police as it is.

He raised his eyebrow. "It doesn't sound like nothing."

"It's been a few months and I'm not being treated seriously that's all." That part was true.

"I'm thankful that you're safe and sound." He wraps his arms around her then, showering her with kisses.

"Do you love me?" she asks. She couldn't help but to sound like a child.

"Of course I do."

"How much?"

Poe pulled away and frowned. He knew what she was leading in to. "Rey we're not going to have the talk tonight. I just got back home."

Rey's heart dropped. "We've been together for three years -

"I'm not ready for that type of commitment yet. Besides you're still young. At your age I wasn't concerned with wanting to get married."

"Poe-

"Rey," he interrupted. She knows what she's going to say. He's older now, twelve years older than her but he wasn't ready. "Let's talk about it tomorrow. I don't want us to fight tonight. I missed you."

She sighed. "I missed you too."  
\--------  
In the middle of the night, she escapes the warmth of his bed and goes to the gym. She punches all her anger out onto to the punching bag, punching and hitting despite the fact her knuckles were going raw.

Her teeth is grit and her stance is solid. She's infuriated from work and her boyfriend. It's nothing but her being forced to hold her tongue and do what she's told. She's tired of it. She wants more than that. She wants to be taken seriously - to be heard.

After two hours with the punching bag she works on weight lifting and then on the treadmill. She sets it to the fastest speed and ignored every sign of her body tiring out.

She hates work.

She hates the way things are with her boyfriend.

She hates being forced to hold herself down.

She has a voice and she wants to use it. Rey ran even faster, keeping up her pace.

She's not weak. She may be thin but she's not useless.

Today was a slip up. Other days she can take down people ten times her weight and height.

I can teach you, she hears his voice.

Kylo's.

I can teach you.

"Shut up," she mumbled. Trin was right. Kylo had a way with getting under your skin and making you feel worthless. She wasn't going to be manipulated so easily.  
\-----------  
"One of Ben's psychiatrist committed suicide this morning," Commissioner Skywalker announced to the force the following month.

Everyone became quiet.

"Does anyone know why?"

Commissioner Skywalker became pale. He nodded and kept a straight face. "It was mentioned in his suicide letter that Ben encouraged him to do so."

Rey blinked.

"This happened before," Trin said quietly.

"Before?" she whispered.

"Six times," a couple of workers said in unison.

"Yeah," Trin sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "But most quit. He's never had a psychiatrist for more than two months."

"Rey," Commissioner Skywalker called out for her.

"Yes?"

"Can I speak to you in private?"

She blinked but nodded.  
_________  
"What is it?" she asked the second she closed the office door.

"Ben has been mentioning you from time to time. He's quite fond of you. Is there anything I should know or be concerned about?"

"No."

"Good. Then you'll be assigned to this assignment then."

Her heart skipped a beat. "What assignment?"

"Nothing serious. Just twice a week you will visit him and talk to him."

"Why?" she blurted. She didn't like the idea at all.

Comissioner Skywalker remained patient with her.

"I'm not a therapist. You should find someone who's trained for that."

"He's assigned to nothing but the best therapists nothing's working. It's been years and he's not getting better. He's not opening up to anyone. The doctors and therapists are not getting through to him. I want to try a different approach, a less formal approach. He needs someone to talk to, someone he's fond of. Maybe then it'll bring back some humanity back to him."

She opened her mouth but stopped herself. It was so rare for her to be assigned to missions that she doesn't say anything. She's reluctant about this assignment but she rather do this than to continue filling out paperwork. "Fine. For how long?"

"Six months."

Her eyes locked on to the picture on Commissioner Skywalker's desk. It's a picture of Skywalker and Ben. They're in their uniforms and Ben's hair was tamed, face clean shaven, and he wore glasses. They're smiling in the picture - he looked so at peace. His eyes looked so gentle. Her heart skipped a beat again.

"Six months," he repeated. "He has six months left."

"Left?"

Luke frowned. "If he doesn't improve within the six months, he's going to be killed."

"Kil-led?" she stammered. "Why?"

"It's not my doing. It's the city's policy with severe criminals. He has committed so many crimes and there's many families that want him dead for what he's done. Since he's been in the asylum, he manipulated several workers to kill themselves and attacked several workers as well."

"But he's not well -

"I know that but it's orders. If he doesn't show any improvement he's going to die."

"Why are you asking me? Why are you putting this weight on me?"

"Because you remind me so much of him and who he used to be."

She stared at Skywalker and then at the photo. Ben's eyes were warm brown with a wide smile to match. Her skin tightened. She remembered the moment when she cuffed him and he looked at her. There was warmth in his gaze. Ben is still there in Kylo, deep down. Ben was Skywalker's nephew, a beloved officer. "Fine. I'll help him."  
___________

She goes to the asylum the next day.

She expected the worse but not this. To her horror she finds Kylo in his cell masturbating.

When he sees her, he doesn't stop or even try to hide it. Instead he turned himself to face her, his face all tensed as he tried to make himself come. She turned away immediately, covering the side of her face. "You're disgusting," she spat out. She thinks about informing the asylum workers but she's not really sure if this is sexual harassment or not. She was the one that walked in on him but he should be aware that she was coming.

"It's not like you've never seen it before - or have you?"

"That's none of your business. Just stop." She and Poe were in a relationship and she seen him done it before but this was different. Poe did it when Rey was around and not when he was alone.

"I'm almost done. Or do you want to help me finish?"

Rey could feel him smirk. "No," she makes it clear.

Seconds passed and she heard a squirting sound followed by a low moan.

She counts to twenty before speaking.

"Are you done yet?" she asked groggily.

"Yeah. Do you want some pudding?"

"No." She knew what he was insinuating.

She waits another couple of seconds before turning. He's wiping his hands into the napkin that was provided on his food tray. He hadn't even touched your food. "You should eat," she commented.

"I don't feel like eating."

"Why not?"

"I don't like to eat."

"That's nonsense. Everyone likes to eat."

He smirked and tossed the napkin on the ground.

She sat in the chair and he sat across from her. "I assume you were informed about the circumstances," she said dryly.

"Fully. I was hoping you would dress up for me for our play date."

"This is not a play date."

He rolled his eyes. "Call it whatever you want. It doesn't make a difference."

Rey ignored him. "I only have one rule for you. Don't touch me," she bit out every word. But deep inside she does want him to touch her - not for sexual reasons but out of anger. She wants a reason to hurt him - to kick him and use her taser and beat him down with her baton. "I won't hold back if you do."

He raised his hands in the air mockingly. "I won't touch you."

She grimaced. She can see some come in between his fingers, its thick. She can smell it too, it smells like seawater.

"You finally came to visit me honey," he flashes her a lopsidded smile. "I was beginning to wonder if you liked me or not."

She rolled her eyes. "You killed your psychiatrist," she changed the subject.

He shrugged. "I'm not responsible for his actions."

"You manipulated him -

"I only say words. Words don't mean anything unless the person makes it into something. That's rule number one that teachers tell you when someone bullies you."

"You killed him -

"Did I?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Did I point a gun to him or have a knife at his throat?"

She became silent.

"No I didn't. I was here in this cell. The only person to blame is himself."

"Who are you?" she breathed. She was amazed and disgusted how heartless he was.

"I'm Kylo."

"No, you're Ben."

His face creased in annoyance. "No, he's dead." He sounded so much of a stubborn child that wanted to go by a nickname instead of his real name.

"No, he's here. You're here." She sees it, the picture of years ago of Ben, with his warm brown eyes.

"He's dead. He killed himself years ago."

"But no one's to blame," she said, speaking in his language.

He shook his head and his gaze softened at her. She listened, he thought. Rey frowned. He looked so lost. "No," he said lowly. "And no one's to blame."

"Are you happy that he's gone?"

"Yes."

Her eyes lowered. That was the saddest thing she had ever heard.  
_________________-  
To her surprise, she feels safe. Not because of him but because of the walkie talkie in her pocket and the emergency button on the wall. Every half hour someone will page her, asking if she's alright and every hour a guard will walk in to check up on them. Weeks passed and she's used to it, talking to him. She's not exactly comfortable with him but he was somewhat polite with her. He hadn't attacked her at all.

"How do you stand it? Being in the same room with him?" Officer Finn asked.

"I already told you. It's not like they throw me into a lion pit without a key or anything -

"Yes but it's Ben. He's not well."

"I don't think he was ever well."


	2. Boardgames

She doesn't talk much about herself but he's able to pull bits and pieces of her life through conversations. It's painfully slow to gather the information but he knows the process. He has to gain her trust. Tedious as it may be, he enjoys it. He enjoys the chase. He enjoys watching her gradually change - like metal underneath a burning fire. First strong then gradually bending and turning due to heat and by the end, it takes a new form.

She's becoming comfortable around him - just not yet.

But she will get there.

She will be in a new form once he was done.

"I want you in my bed," he says to her. He knows what he's doing. Bold statements always caught people's attention and for that brief moment she speaks something from her guarded mind.

"You only want me because I'm close to your reach," she spats out.

He smirked. Hard Headed girl. "Other women are also close but I want you."

"You want me because I'm close to your age."

"You're younger," he states. "There's plenty of nurses that are my age. You're younger. Smaller. I can take care of you."

She scoffed and crossed her arms. She's a confident little thing. Kylo suppressed a smile. She doesn't know how much over her head she is. "You can't take care of me. You're locked away from society. Confined in a cell," she said cruelly.

His lip twitched along with his cock. He likes the way she uses words when she's riled up. There's fire in her. Darkness. But it's all locked away. "You will be mine," he states the future to her. "You will want me. You will want me to fuck you and you'll beg for it."

She trembled then but her stubbornness keeps her there. "Keep talking," she says mockingly. "I like to hear stories."

Kylo bit his lip. He needs to destroy her stubbornness but he doesn't know how to yet. "Every night I think about you. Your the thought that I think when I need to relieve myself." He's not lying. He never does when it comes to his lust towards her.

She still has that glare on her face.

Stubborn girl.

"I dream of unbuttoning your uniform. I imagine taking each layer off bit by bit, savoring every moment until I get to see your body. You're always shaking when my hand finally comes to contact with you in every thought."

"You'll never have me. I'll never fall so simply."

"I know. That makes it fun." They remain seated across from each other but he's aching to get closer. She's his, he keeps thinking. She's his since he first laid eyes on her. But he rather have a willing lover than a thing.

"What was your thought before me?"

"Pictures that I remembered. But it's not as satisfying as a real person." He wants to grab her face again and cup it but he doesn't. He knows the key to winning this game is to go through every level, every little back space and pause. King Joker had taught him well. "And tell me officer, why you allow me to not be tied during our sessions?"

"I'm not afraid of you," she says, giving him eye contact. "Besides I believe in order for you to be better, you have to be treated like a human being instead of the monster people treat you to be."

He blinked. He didn't expect her to say that. There was kindness in her tone. "What do you expect to come out from that?"

"A form of trust between you and me. But if you try to attack me, you break that trust."

She's so set on healing him that he doesn't have the heart to tell her that it was a fool's game. "King Joker has taught you well," he says instead. "But did he teach yet how to win?"

*******

"Are you married?" he asks her during the next session.

"Why do you think that?"

He frowned. She never gives him an answer. "Because for the past sessions, from time to time when you're nervous you rub your finger where the wedding ring should be."

"I don't do that."

He laughs at the sight of her innocent face scrunching up. "You do."

"Why do you want to know?"

"We're dating. I'm entitled to know."

Rey doesn't bother to correct him. He's just saying that to get her all worked up but a part of her wonders if he actually does believe it. She figures then to throw the dog a bone. "If you must know, no." It's not a big deal, she reminded herself. She's only twenty-three soon to be twenty four.

Kylo's smirk stretched out then. "Are you dating someone?"

"No comment," she says. She doesn't want to give out any other personal information.

"So it's just me? You're loyal to me?"

"No comment."

"I promise you when the times right, I'll get you a ring."

She laughs then. "That's a ridiculous thing to say."

"Yes but you want it. I can see it in the way you present yourself. I can see it in your eyes. You want your boyfriend to commit to you."

Rey froze.

"But he won't," he said in coaxing voice. He tilted his head at her. "Am I right?" He's a great mind reader from all the games he's played.

She sat up straight and kept a poker face. "We're not here to talk about me. We're here to talk about you."

"It's puzzling how he doesn't want to commit to a beautiful loyal woman."

"Is that how you see me?" she doesn't falter. She remains tough. Her face doesn't break at all but she wants to, he knows. She wants to break but her pride doesn't let her. That strength will break one day.

"Yes." She's beautiful underneath that facade. Her hair is up but it's meant to be down and her delicate frame is meant to be flaunted instead of hidden. "You're a loyal woman even though he doesn't treat you right. You stay even though he treats you like shit."

"You don't know anything about him or my personal life," she's unchanged.

"Yes but I know you."

"I doubt it."

He smirked at her. "You're not the only one that's been studying the other."

**********

He waits for one o'clock at night. He's sitting up on his bed, wrapped in bindings. He hums to himself, hums down the seconds.

Three. Two.

One.

He gets on his feet and shimmies himself from the bindings. He's been in them for so long that he knows his way out. Kylo stretches his arms and lets out a moan. He goes to the door and picks at it.

It's a locked door with a code but he's knows his ins and outs from his years of service.

It goes like clockwork every night.

He picks the locks with parts of the binding wrapped around his fingers so there would be no trace of his fingerprints. He disables the cameras, knows every blind spot. And he pays a careful eye at every guard.

He studies everyone in the asylum. He knows when they come to check up on him and when they are on their breaks. And he knows what compartments to store his things.

He knows.

He's making his way up to the upper floors. As he does so he politely greets the other inmates.

His belongings are scattered all around the asylum. Under floor boards and in vents of other rooms and other floors. He pulls onto a new of clothes - a janitor's uniform and a hat. He tucks his hair underneath the hat and turns back the cameras. He pulls his bag from one of the tile floors and walks away without any hesitation.

Kylo does this all in a few minutes.

He makes his way out and heads off to the city to see his Knights of Ren.

**********

"Sir why do you stay there?" one of his followers asked.

Kylo gave his followers a crooked smile.

"You escape without trying and yet you always go back - why?"

They were all puzzled why their leader wanted to be in the asylum.

"Because it's easier. They no longer hunt me down or try to kill me because they think I'm trapped. The police are off guard. They're blind," he hums.

His followers nodded. They understood. It was safer for him and easier for the Knights of Ren to function.

Kylo then hands them a sheet of paper. It was floor plans to the bank with red markings, his markings.

"They've changed the security system but I marked it down. The codes are on the bottom," he says. "Go there tonight." He tosses them new weapons, weapons that he modified during his free time

"Will you accompany us?" Hux asks.

Kylo shook his head. "Not tonight. I have other arrangements tonight."

Hux frowned. "And what is that?"

"I'm looking for someone to help me lead the Knights of Ren."

Hux smirked. He could see right through Ren. "You don't have to be formal with us. You're looking for a pet."

Kylo smiled back. "I have one in mind, I just need to hunt her down."

"Hunt?" Hux mused.

He nodded. "Yes. She's a wild untamed thing. I need to domesticate her."

Kylo goes to the station while the others were away. The asylum was easy while the police station, it was a piece of cake. He knows how to replicate keys and scan cards. He goes to search for her file - Rey's documents and finds it within minutes. He looks through it with care as if it was a life and death matter.

No criminal record.

Not even a traffic ticket.

None whatsoever.

Kylo tilted his head in boredom. A dull thing really. She was lucky that she was a dollface.

"Originally from Jakku City," he says out loud himself. That was something interesting. There wasn't a lot of officers that come from the city. Jakku was almost as bad as this city, almost. "Abandoned at five and was found wandering in the streets - huh," his eyes lowered. He didn't know that - he didn't know that she had a string of foster parents - jumping back and forth from home to home. "Huh," he said lowly. The only thing that was somewhat of a record was that she used to get into a lot of fights in high school and was sent to juvenile hall a couple of times. That didn't really count to him. It wasn't a crime, it was just child's play. "Graduated top of her class. Huh."

He always said huh whenever something caught his eye.

He finds her address within the next few pages before getting too sidetracked. Before he leaves the station, he makes a copy of her folder and cleans up the evidence.

He goes to her home but to his dismay she wasn't there.

It doesn't matter though - his intentions were to gather information about her, nothing else.

He explores her apartment, keeping the lights off. He's absorbed into the photographs on her desk. There's about twenty photos, photos of her with childhood friends and beloved teachers. He craves to see her in anything else besides her uniform and seeing pictures of her in nice blouses was a treat. His eyes caught to the majority of the photos of her and a man.

Her boyfriend, he knew.

There was a tiny pocket sized photo that wasn't in a frame. It was a photobooth photo of Rey and her boyfriend. One strip was a smiling one, the second was a funny face, and the last was a kissing photo. Kylo's jaw clenched up and crumples it. He doesn't like seeing it but he grabs it regardless and storms off back to the underground hideout.

"Hux," Kylo called out for him.

"What is it?" Hux pulled away from training the new recruits.

Kylo pulled out the photo strip and tore it in half violently. He hands Hux the torn photo of Rey's boyfriend. "Find out who he is. Find out his name."

Hux smirked. It was amusing to see Kylo be enraged over a photo. "Are you afraid of a little competition?"

"None whatsoever," he relaxes then. He keeps an indifferent face. Kylo doesn't want to show any weakness. "I just want to make this game a little bit more interesting."


	3. Be My Little Harley

"Where do you go when you're not working?" he asks during the next visit.

"Why do you need to know?" she raised her eyebrow at him.

His face creased slightly but he refrained himself by swallowing. "Because I want to," he responded sharply.

She waits for him to add a crude remark or a little snide comment but he doesn't. This surprises her. There's a stern expression on his face, his teeth caught in a clench.

"What do you do outside your cell?" he asks.

"I think being here is affecting your memory."

"No. It's not. You're in a cell too," he smirked at her then. "There's walls in the cubicle that they put you in. The same cubicle that they make you stay for the majority of your hours to fill out meaningless paperwork."

Rey remained calm. She knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to turn the tables on her, making her contemplate about her loyalties to the police force. "Why do you enjoy hurting people?" she asks, holding her temper.

He lets out a laugh. "I don't enjoy it."

"You're smiling as we speak."

"Because I'm blessed with your presence."

"Do you enjoy my company?" she asks then. She plays with fire. She always does.

"I do," Kylo responds. He laid on the ground then while she was sitting in her chair still. "Very much so."

"What if I go away? Will you like that?"

Kylo frowned then. He looked at her. "Are you?"

"Does it matter? You've been trying to get rid of me since the moment you saw me."

"You're very naive, Officer. I'm only asserting my dominance. Once you understand where your place is, I will treat you kindly."

"I'm not your pet."

He smirked again. "Yes you are." He paused and something in his mind switched gears. "This cubicle - where is the cubicle exactly?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Muscle memory really. I want to see if I can still picture the police station or not."

Her skin tightened. It stings her whenever he brings up his past. He speaks of it as if it's nothing. "I'll let you guess," she said dryly. She doesn't know why he's asking but she decides to humor him.

"Are you next to that tall plant?"

"No."

"Are you facing the windows?"

"No."

"Away from the windows?"

"No."

"Are you away from the other cubicles?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a desk?"

"Yes."

His eyes lit up then. "Is it isolated?"

"Yes."

"Do you enjoy seeing me?" he changed the subject immediately.

"No."

"You're lying. I entertain you the way you entertain me. You're bored in the cell you're in."

Rey ignored his comment. "To answer your first question, I read. I work out. I spend time with friends. Are you satisfied?"

He rolled his eyes. "No. The same way you're not satisfied with how I keep my personal life private. If you want to know more about me, you have to let me get to know you. Don't give me generic answers. Give me you."

*********  
It disturbs her of the person he used to be.

He used to be so kind and brave.

He gave it all up for reasons that will never justify his actions.

Naturally since she was attached to this case, she did her research on him. She researches him a few times a week outside of their visits.

Heavy research. Deep investigation.

Sometimes she'll bring it home instead of relaxing.

Rey had nothing better to do outside of work. Her boyfriend was away from work and her friends had different schedules than her.

Researching Ben Solo kept her motivated with the case. The person Kylo was - was tragic. This person - this person was loved and adored. He was close to his family, his colleagues, and to the citizens. On his spare time he helped raise money for charities and volunteered for multiple causes.

But at the same time, researching him pained her.

She was fine with reading articles about him, to do interviews and ask questions to people who knew him, but when she had to watch the captured footage and video recordings of him, it pulled at her heart. It hurt her because watching videos of him made him real - made Ben real. To see the videos that Commissioner Skywalker give her caused an emotional toll on her because those videos were personal, family videos.

The videos Commissioner Skywalker gave her weren't business ones, they were personal ones.

Videos of Ben giving his speech at his graduation, videos of the police station surprising him every year on his birthday, videos of Ben at family get together - those videos affected her.

He looked so happy in those videos, genuinely happy. The ones that were hard to watch were the birthday videos. All the officers are hovering him with balloons and cake and all and he's standing there in awe and bright eyes with that wide smile of his as they put a birthday hat on him and give him hugs. It was strange to see those videos of him blushing when he noticed they were recording it - to see him turn away and cover his face bashfully. To see him get shy and nervous cause a stir in her. She found it endearing and was fond to see him like that.

It doesn't even feel like that's Kylo.

The second videos that were also hard to watch were captured footage of Ben Solo in action. It was like she was in a parallel universe seeing him chase down criminals and take them down in the videos but he was a great officer and a great leader. She was always absorbed into those videos, watching Ben lead and put everyone else above him. Sure she had heard stories about him since day one but it was a different thing watching it because it made him real. He was everything that people described him to be.

And it always broke her heart to know that he's gone.

That she'll never get to meet him and she'll never have a chance to talk to him.

Rey knows that he's not completely gone. She knows that he's in Kylo deep inside but he's broken. Fragmented. Even if he did come back he wouldn't be the same person. Even if he did come back, things can never be the same. People wouldn't look at him the same way as they did before and all the crimes he committed couldn't be erased.

And in that sense, he's dead.

Just like what Kylo said.

She puts on another video to keep her distracted from that thought. She puts on one of the surprise birthday videos. Watching those videos makes her smile, it makes her forget just for a moment. Rey paused the video the second she sees him smile. She touches the screen then, touches his cheek. He looks so happy - so peaceful and innocent. Her eyes lowered.

She'll never get to see Kylo smile like that.

She was about to push play until she noticed something - the desks.

The desks and cubicles were in a different arrangement but there was something about his desk - it had the same jagged scratch mark -

Rey went pale.

She was assigned to Ben's desk.

********

"Did you know that I had your desk?" she asked him the next visit.

Kylo rolled to his side on his bed and looked at her with hazy eyes. "Yes," he said clearly, suppressing a laugh.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she exclaimed. It frustrates her how unaffected he is.

He crookedly smiled then. "I didn't think it mattered but it appears that I'm mistaken."

"Of course it matters!" she yelled. "It's bad luck. It's like an omen -

Kylo sat up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well I'm trying not to be disrespectful," honestly Rey wasn't. "But...a lot of things happened to you."

"I'm aware but they're not bad things."

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Killing him."

"Who? I kill a lot of people, Rey."

She winced at the sound of her name escaping his mouth. Those words shouldn't have come out of his mouth: I kill a lot of people. She stood there in place. "Ben," she murmured. She exhaled and became quiet, waiting for him to respond.

"No," he said without a second thought. "I don't."

"Do you still consider his accomplishments yours?"

Kylo blinked. He studied her, she was trembling slightly. He got up and went to her. He aches to touch her, to fondle her. "No. Those accomplishments are rightfully his and my accomplishments are mine."

"When did you start existing?"

"I was always there, under his grasp. And just one day I overpowered him. He's locked away now with no way to get out." He touches her hair then, his hand slowly snaking around her waist. She doesn't even notice and he's completely aware that she doesn't. "He's gone, Rey. The quicker everyone accepts that, the better."

"I can still feel him. He's not gone. He's still there."

"I can tell you all that you want to know about him if you want. He would have loved you."

Rey flinched and went red. "That's not important. The only thing I need to know is what made you into this."

He gave her a sadistic smile. "We all want things we can't have but I can take whatever I want." He slams her down to the floor and pinned her down. She struggled to push him off of her but he coaxes her with strategic words, temporary sedating her defensive nature. "You're just like me. You're so reserved but soon you'll break free."

"I'll never be like you," she said through gritted teeth.

Kylo coldly laughed. "You're exactly like me," he hissed. "Even Skywalker sees the same potential in you as he did with me. He wants you to break the same way as I did."

Rey pretended to struggle to distract him as she pressed her walkie talkie. "What do you want from me?" she moved her hand away from the walkie talkie. It was enough for the guards to rush in.

"Everything. And in return I'll do anything for you."

Her eyes widened in shock. "What are you talking about?"

"Let me have you and in return you'll have me. I'll be by your side. I'll protect you. I'll be loyal and give you whatever you desire. I'll go home to you every night. I'll play house with you. We'll have a family."

"I don't want that."

"Yes you do."

"Well not right away I don't and not with you."

"Then why are you letting me be on you like this?"

Guards came in then. They grabbed him both by the arm and pulled him away from her. Kylo kicked and screamed out of anger as he watched in horror as she walked out of the cell. "Come back here!" he screamed.

*************  
"I don't want to this anymore," she said to Commissioner Skywalker the second she arrived back to the station. She doesn't care that she left the session early. She doesn't give a damn anymore. "I'm not a professional." I'm becoming emotionally attached, she wanted to say. "Nothing's getting through to him." He's beginning to get underneath my skin, she wanted to say.

Luke frowned. "It's only one bad day, Rey. Don't get too discouraged."

"I rather fill out paperwork than deal with this," she spat out. She has to think of her own well being.

"Don't decide on anything right away. Take a few days off before giving me an answer."

Rey exhaled but nodded. As much as she hated to admit, Luke was right. She needed a day or two to take deep breaths before making a decision like this "Alright sir -

Rey paused and noticed something in his office. There were board games above his book shelf. She blinked several times. She never noticed that before.

"What's wrong Rey?" Luke's voice went low. "You look pale."

"Nothing - I'm fine," she assured. "It's just I didn't know you play board games."

He chuckled softly. "Everyone loves games."

**********  
Kylo waits for her during their next session but she doesn't show up. He asks for her and gets an answer he didn't want to hear.

"When will she come back?" he snapped at one of the guards.

"Don't know. But she has a right to have a day off," the guard responded without batting an eyelash.

Instead of picking a fight, he became quiet and waits.

He waits for the night.

He waits when he's able to leave. He escapes like he always does but instead of going to the hideout, he goes into her house. It's dark and she's fast asleep, curled in her bed. He stands there by her bed still for a moment, taking in the sight. She looks beautiful. He lays beside her, pulling the sheets over his body as well. He likes the warmth of her sheets - the scents of her. He puts his flashlight on the ground but keeps the light on so he's able to see her face. Kylo wraps his arms around her and pulls her close to his body.

He's gentle, making sure he doesn't wake her.

His eyes lowered. She looks so defenseless, innocent. He holds her firmly but his hands were running wild. His hand was running through her loose hair while the other was rubbing circles into her back.

"I wonder," he began, saying out loud. "I wonder how you will react if you see me like this." He pressed his face into hers and shut his eyes tight. "Will it please you? Or disgust you?" He shuts his eyes even tighter. He likes this feeling - her soft face against his sharp features. He likes feeling her breath against his skin. It tickles him, warms his cold heart.

He holds her even tighter, stroking her bare arms. She's more delicate than he had imagined. Her skin is smooth and soft - he kisses her forehead gently. She hugs him back then. He stared down at her but to his dismay, she's asleep. Whatever she does know at this state doesn't even matter. She's not awake. She's not doing things she would want to do awake.

But still he savors it, savors her touch.

He wants more but he doesn't go any further. He rather do things when she's awake, under her permission. He would rather wait so he could see her reactions as he touched her.

He buries himself into her and shuts his eyes again, trying to make this real.

He stays like this for two hours and once it hit the time for him to leave, he lays her on her back. He pulls the sheets over her body and leaned to whisper in her ear. "I have to go honey. I'll visit you soon. Be a good girl and visit me okay? Be my little harley."

**********  
"Where have you've been?" Hux asked. "You're late."

"I had other things to attend to first."

Hux rolled his eyes. "You were at her house again weren't you?"

"You sound surprised."


	4. Love Mr. J

Rey decides to stay with the case.

She concludes to this after taking a few days off. As much as she hated to admit, the case was keeping her busy and kept her preoccupied from thinking about her on and off again relationship with Poe.

She loves her boyfriend and she knows he loves her but she wants him to commit to her. She wants to know that he's not going to leave in the future - that all the things they went through wasn't a waste.

It's hard to say when he's away and has a record of straying.

He cheated on her once before, but that was two years ago. It was meaningless he always tells her. He hasn't cheated her since and has remained faithful but she wants proof. She wants him to want to commit to her but like all things, nothing was ever black and white.

Valentine's Day was approaching.

Poe will still work that day but knowing him, he'll make up for it when he gets back like he always does. It doesn't bother her at all, until Kylo brings up the subject. "What are your plans for Valentine's Day?" he asks.

They're in his cell as always, but today she had requested the guards to bound him as punishment for the last session. This will only be for one day and after that she'll have him boundless. They're sitting on his bed, several inches from each other. The nurse had brought in a small TV today. On some days, when he was exhibiting good behavior, they bring in a TV for a bit.

"Nothing. I'm working."

"Skywalker didn't give a day off?"

She shook her head. "I didn't ask for one. It's not really a big deal. It's just an ordinary day." Technically Poe was supposed to come home today but he was called in for a couple of more days.

Kylo frowned. "You have a boyfriend though. Aren't you going to do anything special?"

"He's working that day."

"He's always working," he said condescendingly. "When was the last time you saw him?"

Rey thought for a moment. "I don't remember but it's understandable. Our careers are time consuming."

"When do you guys see each other?"

"Every two to three months."

"Don't you want someone you can always see?"

"Yes but things don't always work that way."

"Then how do you expect a marriage to work between you and him?"

"Faithfulness."

"But is he faithful to you?"

**********

Valentine's Day approaches before she knows it. Today she's stuck filling out paperwork in the station. It's not as bad. It's a slow day regardless. Even the lowest of crooks have a heart to dedicate a day to their lovers.

It was sweet and kind of funny to see the other officers at their desks secretly texting their loved ones and attempting to hide their smiles. It was a nice feeling to be around to. Very calming. Uplifting.

But Poe didn't text her at all today and it's already two in the afternoon. She supposes he's busy and that he'll call her up later tonight. It's nothing, just petty feelings. She shouldn't let those emotions overrule her rationality.

She focuses into the paperwork, carefully reading the fine print and all until she hears stumbling.

"Delivery for Rey Rey," Officer Finn announced out in the open.

She looked up and saw Officer Finn carrying a huge vase of long stemmed red roses and Officer Trin was right beside him, carrying a giant sized teddy bear. Rey raised her eyebrow in shock.

"What's all this?"

"Come rookie, don't you know what day it is?" Trin asked.

Rey rolled her eyes but couldn't help but to smile and be giddy. They placed the items on her desk. "Your boyfriend really loves you," Trin added. Rey looked around and saw the secretary delivering the rest of the bouquets of flowers and balloons to the female officers.

She leaned and smelled the roses. She tries not to be eager but she couldn't help it. He hadn't done such a gesture like this in a long time. The roses smelled sweet. "Yes. Yes he does."

"He must of spent a fortune!" Finn added.

Rey's cheeks went red. "I should call him and thank him -

Rey trailed off until she noticed there was a little note attached to the roses:

Thinking of you always Rey.  
Can't wait to see you soon.

Love Mr. J

Rey blinked.

"What's wrong?" one of the officers asked.

"My boyfriend didn't send this to me," she frowned. She was more upset that it wasn't from Poe instead of being disturbed that a random stranger sent her a bouquet.

Trin raised his eyebrow. "What -

All the officers hovered and read the little note. "Who's Mr. J?"

Rey shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know a Mr. J. My boyfriend's initials are P. D. Maybe the florist made a mistake -

"You're name's on it and it was delivered here," Finn reminded her. "It's definitely for you. You're the only Rey in the station."

Trin rubbed his chin. "Mr. J. That sounds familiar." Trin eyes suddenly widened. "Kylo. It's from Kylo."

Rey immediately shook her head. "No it can't be. His initials are K.R."

"Rey, he also goes by Joker," the secretary added, swallowing hard. "Mr. J. Mr. Joker."

"I don't believe it. He can't even send flowers. He's locked up."

"But he's also the Commissioner's nephew," Finn reminded. "Maybe he requested to send some to you and Commissioner Skywalker got them for him."

********

She decides to drop by the asylum after work. She wanted to give Kylo a piece of her mind. This has to stop. He can't be sending flowers to her. He can't be going on top of her and attempting to make advances.

It's late at night but she doesn't care.

She wasn't going to sleep unless she gave him a couple words.

She finds him in his cell, sitting on the floor with crossed legs. He was meditating. "You," she called out through gritted teeth and a shaking breath. She was so angry, so disturbed at how persistent he was.

"Yes?" he asks, his eyes still closed. "I know you love seeing me but this has to stop," he mocked. "It's not even our next session. Today is your gap days before seeing me remember. You have to understand boundaries."

She ignored him. "Did you send me flowers today?"

"No."

"You're lying," she shouted. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him to the wall.

He flashed her his crooked teeth and let out a moan. "I like it when you get rough with me."

"Did you send me flowers today?"

"No. I sent you flowers and a bear."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Why did you send - how -

"I requested Skywalker and under today's circumstances, he did so. And do I need a reason? Today is self explanatory."

"You and me are nothing."

"We're everything," he laughs. He tilts his head at her and keeps his eyes on her. "You're my fire and I'm gasoline. Together we'll kill everything in our path. If we're nothing then why are getting so riled up? Why does everything I do upset you? Are you mad at me or are you mad at your boyfriend? What did he do for you today? It's near the end of the day."

She let him go and took a few steps back.

"Deep inside, you're attracted to me," he pulled her by the waist and pulled her close to him. There was no space between them except for their clothes. "You're stubborn and a hard head but I'll wait for you."

He releases her then and laid on his bed. She stood there, staring at him quietly.

"Do you honestly expect me to fall for you after all the times you assaulted me?" she asked then.

"We're merely fooling around," he said as he crossed his arms behind his head. "I know you're unhappy," he mumbled, his eyes locked to the ceiling. "Leave him Rey. Leave before he breaks your heart."

"So that's what you think? That the only thing that's in between you from having me is him?"

"No. The other thing that's in between us are our clothes."

*********

She leaves after that. She comes home but finds nothing waiting for her. The second she changes into clothes, her phone rings. She immediately picked it up - Poe. "Hello?" she asked.

"Are you asleep?"

She laughed. "No. I just got home."

"Sorry I didn't call earlier."

"It's alright." She lays down in her bed and lets out a yawn. "Happy Valentine's."

"Happy Valentine's Day. I'll be there in a few days babe. We'll go out to eat and go dancing and see the stars. I love you so much."

"I love you too," she said lowly. She swallowed hard. She stood up and grabbed one of the roses that Kylo had gotten her.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's alright." She smelled the rose and exhaled deeply. She sat up in her bed and hugged her legs with the rose still in her hand.

"Did you get the package I sent you?" he asks then.

"What package?"

"A small package. It's a size of a shoe box."

She blinked. "No."

He cursed underneath his breath. "Damn post office."

Rey laughed. "It's okay." It was. It was okay because to know that he sent something to her made her feel better. She doesn't feel alone. "I'll get soon anyways."

"Yeah but I wanted you to get it today."

"It's just any ordinary day," she reminded him.

"I have to go - but I love you babe."

Her heart skipped a beat. "I love you too."

While she was asleep, Kylo was in the hideout repairing weapons and sorting out money.

"How was your day, lover boy?" Hux asked. They were taking a moment to breathe right now before they went out to run all over town.

Kylo grumbled.

"She's not falling for you?" he laughs.

"She makes everything so difficult."

"What did you do today?"

"Does it matter? Did you get anything about Poe Dameron yet?"

Hux smiled crookedly. He pulled several captured photos from his folder and spilled it carelessly on the table. "This guy has more of double life than you." There's photos of Poe Dameron with different women - some photos he's kissing them and others he was caught in compromising positions.

"Good. Took you long enough with investigating." Kylo pulled out a box. The box was the size of a shoe box. He opened it and carelessly dumped out the things that were inside. He stuffed the bottom of the box with the photos and then stacked the items on top.

"I'll personally deliver the package to her," Hux said as he resealed the box.

********  
Kylo patiently waits for the next session but until then (until a few days) Hux helps Kylo fill in the blanks.

"How was it?" he asked.

Hux smirked to himself. He looked proud of what he had done. "You should have seen the look on her boyfriend's face. He was horrified when she got to the bottom of the package. She screamed and threw things at him - she's little but she has strong lungs that girl of yours. She screamed for hours before she kicked him out," he laughed.

"You should have recorded it," Kylo smiled. "And yeah she's feisty," he said fondly. "Is he gone?"

"Dameron?"

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Is he permanently out of the picture?"

"I would assume so. It's hard to jump back with all the shit he had been keeping from her. If she did take him back, then she's crazier than you."

"That's the dream."

*******  
When the next session day comes around, she isn't there.

This startles him.

He asks for her, looks for her. She should have been here an hour ago. "Is Officer Rey coming?" he asks one of the guards. He purposely pressed the emergency button as well just to get them.

"She got into an accident earlier today," someone said. To his surprise, it isn't one of the guards that answers. It's one of the officers that he used to know, Officer Phil.

He bit his lip. "What?" he asks. He finds this hard to believe.

"She and Officer Trin were chasing after a robber and they got into a car accident. Minor injuries though. She's in the hospital right now."

"That man can't do high speed chases to save his life," Kylo mumbled. He remembers how many times Trin scratched up the police cars when doing sharp turns.

"I'm covering the session today -

"It's alright," Kylo said dejectedly. "I rather - I rather be left alone today."

************  
In the middle of the night, he goes to the hospital to see her. He's dressed in scrubs to blend in. To his dismay, she's there, attached to wires. There's scratches on her face and arms along with heavy bruises and deep cuts. She's sleeping, he gathered. Deeply medicated.

She looks like she's in pain. Both physical and emotional. He sat on her bed and stroked one of many cuts on her cheek. He sighed and laid right beside her. He was careful with her, careful not to disturb her. He placed his head on her chest and closed his eyes to listen to her heartbeat.

It's steady.

He lays like this with her for an hour. Once the hour hits, he acts quickly. He knows that soon a nurse will check up on her and so he leaves her room quickly and hides. Once the nurse was done and gone, he comes back to her room.

But instead of laying back down he stood there, staring at her intently.

He wants her. He doesn't want to keep playing this game.

And so, he decides to wake up. He wakes her up gently, with a hand over her mouth.

Her eyes shot up out of fear but he keeps his hand firmly there. "Shh," he place his finger over his lips as well.

"Kylo?" she whispered. She looked at him with a mixed expression, uncertain if she was dreaming or that the medication was playing tricks with her.

He nodded. "Yes."

"What are you doing here?" she sounded calm but her speech was slurred.

Kylo frowned. She wasn't fully there. The medicine was affecting her. He tucks a lock of her hair away from her face. "You got into an accident. And I'm here to visit you."

"You're not supposed to be here, " she said slowly, her speech was becoming smooth.

He rolled his eyes. That part she remembers. "I have to visit my favorite girl," he says this very softly.

"You broke out to see me?"

"You sound surprised. I know the ins and outs of the asylum."

"This isn't the first time you broke out is it?"

He chuckles in pride. "No."

"Then why do you stay in the asylum?"

"I stay there for you. But I'm tired of playing games Harley. Aren't you?"

"What did you call me?"

"Harley. You're my little Harley."

"I heard that word in a dream before."

He nodded. "You should stop taking sleeping pills. It leaves you defenseless in the night."

Her eyes widened slightly but the medication keeps her in a sedated state. "I take it to sleep though."

"But it doesn't keep you alert. Aren't you tired of playing games?"

"No. You?"

He blinked and thought hard. "No." She wasn't fully here but he knew she was speaking the truth - speaking things that she would never say. "I like you. Do you like me?"

"Yeah."

He froze. He imagined her saying this so many times but he never expected her to say it.

"But I know it's not right."

"Why do you think that?"

"I like the person you used to be but he's gone."

Kylo's eyes lowered. "What do you like about me? Kylo?"

"You're just like me."

"I have to go now, Rey. We'll talk next time, okay?"

"Am I becoming insane?"

"Almost."

"You're making me crazy. Do you know that?"

He chuckled but it was hallow. "Yes but it looks good on you."


	5. Over the Edge

"Time's up Rey."

Rey went pale. "What?"

Trin exhaled and shook his head quietly. He's silent for a moment, dead silent. As in mourning. "He's going to be killed next Friday."

She sat up in her chair and blinked. No. It couldn't be - how could time go by so fast? Months had passed by her before she could even blink. "Why can't they transfer him to another asylum?"

"Skywalker's been trying to get that appealed but there's no use. Ben's killed too many people, committed too many crimes. It's out of our hands."

Her skin tightened to his words. Her heart began to race and her breathing became erratic. It couldn't be. She swear she had more time - she swear she did. Ben's still there - he's crying out for her, begging her to save him. He's there inside of Kylo and she was so close to reaching him by the fingers and pulling him out of the prison of his mind. Her eyes furrowed. She stood up and banged her fist on the table. "It's never too late. He's still there -

"He's been gone for a long time," Trin said calmly. "There's nothing you can do."

Rey paced about frantically, shaking her head side to side. She cursed underneath her breath and threw the mindless paperwork to the floor.

Trin watched quietly, watching her bottled anger spill out. "I didn't know you cared for him so deeply." And with those words, Trin became the flame to the gasoline and she became the fire.

She paused and stared at Trin. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She blinked and thought for a long time. She stopped and looked around at the mess she made. Scattered paperwork, broken glass, and tossed over chairs. "Yeah, I didn't know either," she mumbled quietly. She winced then from the growing pain. She looked down and found her fingers and the palm of her hand bleeding.

**********

"Where did you get that cut?" Kylo asked.

"It's nothing," she assured, adding pressure to her hand. It was bandaged and she had stopped bleeding hours ago.

His eyes narrowed. "It doesn't look like nothing," he hissed. He took her hand by the hand and squeezed it.

She lets him. She lets him touch her hand, lets him explore to what it was exactly - watches his eyes marvel and break apart at the cut. He's absorbed with her, being as careful as he can as he unwrapped the gauze. Her skin tightened. This felt familiar. The sensation. A ghost hand hovering her softly. She had experienced this sensation when she was in a hospital after a car accident.

She examines him, watches his fingers stroke over the scars.

His eyes are locked on to her scars. He's hunched over, hovering her intensely.

Rey blinked. "You were at the hospital. You were in my room," she stated out loud. She remembers it. She remembers him, dressed in scrubs with his head resting on her chest comfortably as if he had done it before.

"You shouldn't be surprised." Kylo doesn't deny it, doesn't try to fabricate anything. He takes pride to it, takes pride to every time he broke into her house and watched her sleep.

"You shouldn't have been there," she said sternly, pulling her hand away.

He clutches on to her hand tightly in response. Kylo let out a growl, let out flames from his system. "You're a horrible cop," he lamented.

She scoffed. "What?"

"That was months ago and yet it took you that long to realize that?" he let out a bitter laugh.

"I didn't think much I thought it was a hallucination!" she snapped. "You're a fool."

Kylo smirked. "Why?"

"You could have run away that day and yet you went back here. What's wrong with you? You had a chance to be free. You're going to be killed next week -

Kylo let out a laugh as he still held on to her hand. "Honey I had a lot of chances to run away. I've been going to your house every night for months," he bit every word. He wants the words to sink into her system. He wanted her to feel something - anything for him.

Rey pushed him away from her. "You're insane! Why do you go back here? Why don't you run away?"

Kylo gave her a grim smile. "Does the police force know that you are a traitor -

"Shut up!" she shouted hotly. "You're going to be killed and you don't give a damn. What is wrong with you?"

"What's the point in running away when I can't have you?"

She went quiet for a moment but snapped out of it. "You're going to be killed -

"It doesn't bother me," he bit out every word. "Nothing terrifies me. Not even death."

An image appeared in Rey's mind, Ben. Ben, in his uniform and all working late at night with a case. There's stress lines on his forehead and bags underneath his eyes, his mouth at the temples of his glasses. He's in the dark with barely any light, staring helplessly at the collected evidence of a murder. He's alone in the room, underneath dying dim light. He digs his fingernails into his skin, attempting to remain collective but it's not working. His hands are in tightened fists, his nails sinking into his flesh - his glasses breaks in his hand. He still clutches on to them, to the broken glasses, holding it tighter until he was bleeding. Until the blood trickled into a puddle on the floor.

Her eyes focuses in on him, Kylo. There's no trace of the man he used to be, no incentive. No passion. No love. "Do you plan to escape?" she whispered then, swallowing the lump in her throat.

He shook his head calmly. He does it so calmly to aggravate her.

"Why?"

Kylo's eyes locked onto hers and dilated then. Ben's far gone. The only thing that was there was an animal. "You already know the answer."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do," he said sternly. His eyebrows furrowed and his tone changed. "You're a stubborn girl. I'm staying here because you want me to stay here. Those are your morals and so I stay."

"You're manipulating me -

She looked down and realized he still squeezing on to her hand.

She pushed him away and left.

He doesn't stop her. Instead he watches, watches her disappear. Kylo's eyes lowered. He sat on the ground and began to pick at an old scar on his hand. He dug his fingers into it, tearing through the protective layers and continued to mutilate himself.

**********  
"You're going to die soon," a low guard said through the small opening of the door.

Kylo ignored him and continued to mutilate himself. He was bleeding, mindlessly picking through the layers of flesh.

"What no answer? Do you admit to defeat?"

Kylo didn't flinch. Doesn't even bother to acknowledge the guard's presence.

"You're pathetic. You used to be so great and look at you now. You're alone. You're going to die alone."

Something in him snapped. "She's mine!" he shouted. He ran to the door and punched it several times as hard as he can.

The guard took a step backed and watched in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"She is mine!" Kylo shouted. He punched the door even harder, his knuckles scraping against the metal. "You can't have her! No one can!"

The guard blinked and noticed puddles of blood on the floor. Kylo had been hurting himself. The guard assumed Kylo was just sitting there in silence and nothing else.

Kylo growled and cursed underneath his breath but continued to punch the door. The metal was denting in. "She is mine!"

The guard ignored him as he called for backup to help sedate Kylo. "Officer Rey, you're talking about Officer Rey," the guard realized then.

Kylo kicked the door, the hinges bending slightly. "You're not even allowed to say her name," Kylo threatened. "Don't you even think about her!" he screamed. "I've been hearing you and the other guards talk about her for months. You're disgusting. You're pigs and bastards. Don't you dare talk to her, she's mine!"

********  
In the middle of the night, Kylo woke up to a soft touch. He doesn't fight it because he knows this touch. He knows this more than himself. It's dim but he knows it's her unraveling the bonds the guards had put him in.

Once a hand was free he reaches for her face.

"Don't say anything," she said in a hushed voice. "Don't touch me like that either."

He listens.

*********  
"You won," she said quietly. She's pale, horrified at what she had done. She had broken him out of the asylum. It was against everything she believed in but she couldn't let him die.

They were in the woods right now, a few miles away from the asylum.

"I don't want to ever see you again," she mumbled. She feels sick with herself. She feels weak, a failure. "If I do, I won't turn my back like this again. I will fight you."

"I love you," he said then.

Rey winced. "You don't."

"How I feel about you has always been real."

"Stop it," she snapped at him. "You are manipulating me. Stop it-

"I was going to let myself be killed for you."

"Stop it - go away."

Kylo frowned. "I know deep down that you don't want that. I know deep down that you love me too."

"You are scum," she hissed. "You've been trying to break me. You've been trying to break my mind this whole time and we both know it."

He doesn't deny it. "This world is not for us," he said delicately. Her eyes flickered in shock. He sounded like Ben. She knows his voice from the videos, his voice is relaxed and he spoke in rationality and courtesy. "It's cruel and maddening. I rather be the one to break you than the world."

"Why is that?"

"I am gentle while the world isn't. I don't want the world to break you like the way it did to me."

"What happened to you? What broke you?"

"The heartlessness in people. Everything was an act."

"What was an act?"

"The way people adored me and cared for me. It was all false. They only pretended to for their own motives. Nothing was genuine. The only thing that was real was darkness."

"What am I to you?"

"The only one and thing that matters. You are the only genuine thing in this world." He reached to touch her cheek.

She pushed him away. "Don't," she warned. "Don't make this hard for me. I don't ever want to see you again. Just leave."

*********

 

She went home and attempted to sleep. An hour passed but she was still wide awake. Guilt was eating up at her. She had turned against her principles for him. If the police force found out she would lose everything.

There was a knock on the door then.

Rey's heart skipped a beat. She exhaled and made her way towards the door. She opened the door but it was only a ghost. Kylo was standing there in his old police uniform and glasses. His hair was brushed and groomed - it looked a bit wet. He had just showered, cleaned himself up for her.

She went pale. "I told you that I didn't want to see you again -

"You told Kylo, but you didn't tell that to Ben."


	6. Mad Love

She examines the figure before her with wary eyes. This was the first time she had seen him underneath light. His skin is paler than she believed it to be - white almost. Chalky. Scars were layered and laced in all about his visible flesh and she knew it must be the same for the flesh that was concealed. His stature and frame was poking out of the clothes, out of the illusion of the man he once was. He was once lanky with hints of muscle but now his body was of a Greek god - definition and stature.

Rey's eyes locked on to his glasses. She takes a step forward as he locks the door behind him. "Can you see through those?" she asks then.

"Slightly," he responds slowly, not quite following where she was going at.

"You don't need them anymore to see?"

Kylo shakes his head. "I figured you wanted to see him at least once."

"Do you were contacts now?" she asks. She remembers footage of him - scrambling on the floor for his glasses as he was in the middle of fighting off a shooting. He was blind without his glasses, wore them since he was a child. But when he became Kylo, he stopped wearing them.

"No."

"So your eyes just got better then? Out of nowhere?" The final piece of the puzzle. What made him go mad?It was staring right in front of her. His eyesight suddenly improving was the final piece of what caused his breakdown.

"I got into an accident at a power plant years back. I was chasing down three wanted men. You can probably connect the pieces after that." He remained unfazed - was he aware of the damage that was done to him? Or was he completely aware and indifferent?

She frowned. This was the first time she had heard of this - him being in a crucial accident. Out of all the articles and footage and files she had went through, this was never mentioned."Where you alone on the case?"

He shook his head. "No. I had four officers accompanied with me."

"Where was Commissioner Skywalker?"

"He came late but he was the one that pulled me out."

"How were the other officers?"

"They were fine, untouched."

She blinked. Why wasn't this recorded? Why didn't Commissioner Skywalker ever mentioned this to her? Why didn't anyone ever mentioned this to her?

Something wasn't adding up.

"Whatever is going on in your mind, you're wrong," his eyes flickered at her. He took a step closer to her and dipped his head down to her. "The perception you have on Ben is all wrong," every word was bitter. "You think of him as a martyr. Heroic. Loved. He was quite the opposite. He was a coward. Timid." An image appears before her of him idly working at his desk, trying to be quiet and small as possible. No one notices this. No one really cared. He's depressed - she can see it - feel it. She feels it as people pass by his desk and overlook him as if he never existed. "He had no one, unable to have any sort of human connection outside of his family."You think he was someone who wasn't saved on time. You think that someone or something changed him. That's not the case. The madness inside of him was always there. There were many times when he would park his police car and contemplate on taking his life with his gun. There were countless nights he spent regretting if he just stayed instead of dodging, he would be free from his misery. He's not the man you think he is. He wasn't loved. He was never happy. The smiles he had in every single photo and video were false. The madness was always there and he's standing right in front of you."

Rey swallowed the lump in her throat. Her eyes were burning but she held on from letting a single tear fall. "I don't believe you," she said through gritted teeth. She doesn't want to. Ben - the Ben she had in her mind was the reason why she kept going with the case. The Ben in her mind motivated her - gave her hope. And just with the case. He gave her hope that one day she will be respected despite being a female with a small stature.

"Do you feel like you're finally having your chance to talk to him?"

She didn't open her mouth.

"I didn't think so. You're just talking to someone wearing a dead man's clothes."

"No you're wrong. He's still there," she refuses to show any fear. She was able to see through this, this façade. "He's still here deep down."

Something in him snapped. Before she could react he slammed her to the floor and pinned her by the wrists. "Do you honestly think he's still here?" he shouted. He tightened his grip on her. She tried to break free but he was stronger than their first encounter. He was holding her down with just one hand while the other was unbuckling his pants. "He's not here to save you. Who's going to save you?"

She wasn't afraid at all. She saw through his bluff. Mad as he was, the scarce humanity he had was towards her. She might have been frightened the first time but not now. She knows he's never going to hurt her like that. She pretends she's hurt and lets out a false sound of pain.  
Kylo freezes up before she could even finishing blinking. He let's go of her automatically and tends to her wrists.

"He's still here," she whispers to him. He ignores her words and expects her wrists, searching for any markings he may have left on her. Her eyes lowered. She lets him. She watches in interest and curiosity - he was kissing her wrists. He's gentle. Careful. She can sense his remorse and tenderness being transferred from his mouth to her flesh. His lips make way to her hers - she sees his intentions a mile away but she lets him. He pulls her closer to him and holds her - really holds her. His arms are wrapped all around and tight. "If he wasn't you would have had your way with me a long time ago," she says. She doesn't want to end the moment but she has to. And just like that the tenderness was gone. "All those times you came here to watch me sleep, you could have had your way."

"I don't believe in rape," he mumbles at her. He unlatches his fingers from her wrists and reaches for his glasses. He takes them and breaks them with just one hand. She watches him toss the pieces without even wincing. "Don't ever do that again," his eyebrows furrowed.

"Do what?"

"Pretend you're hurt. Because what if next time I don't believe you and I take it too far? We need to have a safe word."

She raised her eyebrow. "Next time? We?"

He crookedly smiled then. "Did you think that by you freeing me would make me go away?"

Oh. She forgot - how could she forget? That literally happened hours ago.

He lets out a laugh at the sight of her puzzled face and kisses her.

She lets him. It pains her and yet she finds comfort in his affections. She feels his fingers run through her hair - his teeth tugging at her bottom lip. She opens her mouth slightly and lets his tongue go inside. She hears sounds of pleasure and satisfaction escaping his body. She's reluctant to but she kisses him back. His hand searches for hers - she helps him find it and interlocks hers with his. She hold on tight as she kissed him, trying desperately to hold on. Just tonight, she told herself. Just this once and never again. She already freed him and so why not do one more thing before the night was over? Just tonight. This one night and then never again.

She pulls away. Before he could go back and kiss her again she holds his face in place. "Do you want to sleep with me?" she asks then.

She watches as his eyes light up. "Do you want to?" he asks. He shifts himself slightly to be able to kiss the hands that were holding him.

Rey nodded slowly. "Just tonight."

Her heart skipped a beat as the expression on his face fell.

He shook his head. "I can't promise that. I have to see you. Even if you don't want me to be around you, I'll still follow you."

She became frozen. She already freed him - went against her morals - she can't let this go on...But...it was too late. She's far too gone. There's no way she could go back - can she? "Then make me change my mind," she held her breath. She pressed her nose against his. She closed her eyes tight and exhaled. "Make me change my mind if you want to see me."

His hands gripped her by the waist then. "I'll fuck you until you change your mind then," he rasps, his eyes darkening. She remained still as he pulled her on to his lap. Gentle movements became aggressive.

She released her hands from his face and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I want that," she whispered, planting a kiss on his collarbone. She could feel her hips following his movements. "I want you to convince me. I won't give in too easily. You'll have to force me."

"Force?"

She nodded, her own eyes darkening. "It'll be consensual. Just play. I won't let you sleep with me so easily. You will have to force me. Be rough - have your way. Do whatever means necessary because I like the fight."

Kylo could feel his mouth twitch along with his dick. "We need to have a safe word."  
She nodded immediately. Most definitely. "What should the word be?"

He leaned and whispered it in her ear.

**********************************  
They were standing in front of each other, several feet apart.  
"Are you ready?" he asks.  
She exhaled and nodded. "Yes."  
"Okay on the count of three we'll start. Three...Two...One."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think the safe word is?


	7. A Slip into Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: kinky shit

 

She ran.

She ran as fast she could from being caught by him - by the Joker.

He ran after her in heavy footsteps - pushing everything in his way. He grabbed her by the waist but she elbowed him - twisted about - bit him until she was free from his grasp. She ran - he catches her again. Rey slipped from him and punched him, kicked him. Screamed and screeched.

"I like that sound," he rasped with beaming eyes.

Her eyes narrowed. She grabbed several items around her apartment - books - candles - vase and threw them at him.

Kylo dodged them. Dodges every item being thrown at him.

"Get out!" she screeched. "Get out!"

He smiled at her wickedly. "Not until I fuck you."

Rey's heart skipped a beat. She hesitated, watching him take a few steps closer to her. She ran then - ran up the stairs.

He followed, running, his footsteps sounded like gunshots to her. "I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk," his voice was hoarse. "You've been teasing me since the first day we've met - I'm not going to hold back anymore."

Rey could feel him grinning as he said those words. She went into her room and locked her door. She grabbed her chair to hold the door down. She sat down then, sat down on her bed. There was nothing she could do. She cornered herself. She couldn't go out the window - she couldn't. Her fingers curled into tight shaking fists as she watched the door being punched and shaken.

He punches the door repeatedly, exerts force amongst the dead pieces of wood - and then she sees it - sees him punch a hole through the door.

It frightens her - seeing his hand go through. She forgets how strong he is, he strong he truly is. He moves his hand back and punches again. Punches over and over until the door was near gone and he was able to go inside.

She jumped off her feet when he enters the room - he grabs her by the waist again, puts her under his hold.

She twists herself out and flips him over -

He flips her, pins her to the bed. He tightened his grip and gritted his teeth at her. "You're going to get fucked tonight, do I make myself clear?" he barked at her. He grabbed her face so she was looking at him. "Look at me when I'm talking to you."

She spits in his face.

She expects him to slap her but he doesn't. Instead he smashes his lips against hers.

Rey screams. She bites down on his lip furiously - but he's enjoying it. "Stop -

He kisses her harder.

She fights against his weight - attempting to push him off of her. He's not moving. Instead he was working up his way down his pants.

"Stop -

"No."

She hears it - his belt being unbuckled and pants being unzipped. She hears the little hissing moan - hears the relief in his voice.

"You're going to get fucked so good tonight," his eyes darkened.

He releases her. Rey tries to escape but he pushes her down back in the bed and rips her clothes - rips them open. Tears them until she was exposed. Naked. She watches his eyes flicker as he licked his lips.

"That was my favorite shirt and bra," she mumbled. She stared down at her body, still stunned what had happened. He broke down her door and tore her clothes - tore every article of clothing.

He frowned at her sheepishly. He doesn't need to hear their safe word to know that she was speaking out of the scene. "I'll get you another one. A better one." He kisses her cheek. "Okay?"

She frowned. "Fine," she sighed.

He pulls back into the scene. He takes off his own clothes but with care this time. He doesn't crawl back to the bed with her. Instead he snatches her and holds her in his grasp, flips her upside down.

She squeaked. She was startled. She never had that down to her before - he was large - he was dragging her like a doll. She was being held upside down, facing his erection. It was throbbing, veined and poking at her face. Before she could say anything, he was licking her pussy, holding her in place with those strong arms of his. He was licking her, licking the wetness he was creating. She moaned naturally, out of being pleasured and experiencing this new position. "Suck me," he rasped, breathing heavily.

She blinked several times. She stared at his dick that was poking at her, twitching all about. She parted her mouth slowly and attempted to take him like this - it was difficult. She was hanging upside down - the blood was rushing to her head - her hair to the floor - and his dick was curved from this angle. But then he placed his mouth on her pussy and began sucking at her and eating her out as if he was a starving animal.

It felt so good.

She was trembling. Trembling from the warmth of his mouth - the feeling of his fingers holding her in place. She leaned and angled herself, angled her mouth and took him slowly, slowly sucking her way to the base, starting from the head.

He pushed her closer to his body, forces her to put his whole length down her throat.

This turned her on very much - especially as he was pressing her body closer to him back and forth, fucking her mouth as he ate her out.

Once they both came he pulls her out, and holds her. He held her, carried her, pressing her head to the crook of his neck. He stroked her hair and walked her around, allowing some time for her to recover. He strokes her throat from time to time. He liked being aggressive but this girl was much smaller than him. He felt as if he was going to break her.

He lays her down back on her bed and crawls on top of her.

"You're still hard."

"I didn't say I was done," he said lowly, stroking the side of her face. "I haven't had sex in a while, I have a lot of come left in me." He wanted to add that he allowed her twenty five minutes to recover earlier but he doesn't. Instead he lowered his hand and played with her breasts. He cups them one by one, feels the perkiness in both of them, feels her already hardened nipples becoming more aroused by his touch.

He lowered his head to her chest. He listens to her heart beating first - listened to the sweet sounds of her panting. Once he felt her relax more he sucked on each nipple lazily, going back and forth. He moaned. Every each of her body tasted heavenly, his eyes fluttered shut as he rolled his tongue along her thick nipples.

She winced. "You're hurting me," she mumbled.

He opened his eyes and found himself sucking on her violently. He lets go of her nipple and found that he left teeth marks on her breasts - her left breast was bleeding from the sharpness of his teeth. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she grabs him by one of his unruly curls, coaxing him. "Just suck slower this time," she moves him by the hair, and buries him into her breast again.

He sucked on her gently this time, using more tongue than his mouth. He rotated, every so often he went back to kiss her lips and nuzzle her.

She smiles tiredly in response. Her smile is warm and it settles well in his memory.

They continue this moment together for another twenty minutes. "I'm going to fuck you know," he tells her, thumbing his erection.

"I know," she held her breath. She wasn't surprised. He was holding her once more but this time had her pressed against the wall. He poisoned her to his cock and lowers her body by her thighs, lowering her to completely take his length. She winced from the thickness of his cock. He feels so hot, so warm - so thick. She buried her face into his neck. It hurts.

He chuckled softly. "You've been with a man before and yet you act like this is your first time."

"I've never been with such a big man before," she mumbled.

He grinned and slowly bucked his hips up against her. "I want you so much - I don't think I can continue being this gentle."

She wrapped her arms around neck and winced. "Don't be," she said as she sank her nails in his back.

* * *

She lets him fuck her at full strength. She lets him fuck her to the wall - lets him fuck her from behind - lets him fuck her on the floor - on the stairs - everywhere. And every position his pretty mind came up with. By the end of it, she's being carried again and laid on her bed. He lays besides her and strokes her body, strokes every single inch of her body lovingly. He worshiped her, she knew. And she knows that he's not going to sleep. He's going to watch her but she's okay with that.

"Don't leave me," he says to her.

"I can barely move," she laughed weakly.

"I'm not playing anymore," Kylo's voice is stern. "Don't leave me, ever."

She falls asleep before he could get an answer from her.

This worries him and so he decided to put things in his own hands.

When morning came she found herself in a dress and handcuffed to the bed. "Kylo?" She shifted slightly and discovered she wasn't wearing anything underneath the dress.

"I'm still here," he said gruffly. "And morning," he said, petting her hair. He was sitting beside her, staring at her in a different manner. He was fully dressed and was holding a bowl of oatmeal.

Something was off.

"What's going on?" she tugged on the handcuffs. They were real handcuffs, thick metal and all.

"I'm not going to let you leave me."

"Ben," she said sharply, saying their safe word clearly.

He looked at her blankly.

"Ben uncuff me now."

He blinked at her emptily.

"BEN," her tone was stern.

"I'm sorry but there are no safe words anymore."

 

        


	8. Chapter 8

She imagined how life would have been if Ben was still around.

She imagined this many times.

Rey assumes that she would be assigned as his partner. He would be her mentor, show her around. He would be kind and welcoming unlike Trin. Ben would respect her allow her to handle the higher intensive cases. He would be supportive. He would try to convince Skywalker to have more faith in her.

It's a sweet thought, a dream.

"Don't think it would have been heaven," Kylo said in a stern tone. He can see the thought cloud her mind again. He can see it - see her longing of what could have been. "We would have been miserable."

Rey tugged on her handcuffs again and then her gaze shifted to him. "How so? What makes you think of that?" The handcuffs were metal and thick but she can break free from them. She had trained herself to pick any lock since she was young due to the situations her foster parents had put her through but right now, she let herself be trapped. He was there. He was unstable. Unpredictable. It was better for her to be handcuffed to the bed until he was gone. For if she broke free now, she didn't know what will happen.

He frowned and his eyes shifted from side to side. "We would have never been together. And you wouldn't ever be with him either."

"What makes you think that? That I wouldn't want him?"

"In this what if scenario, you would still be with your boyfriend."

Her heart skipped a beat. The thought hadn't occurred to her.

"Ben would covet you but that's all he'll do. That's all you and him will ever be, just partners. Colleagues. He would yearn for you but will never step out of line."

"But in this scenario, my boyfriend still would be a cheater."

"Yes but he would be blind to it just like you. He wouldn't have investigated your boyfriend the way I did. He wouldn't have the heart to break you and your Poe boy apart. And maybe your Poe boy would marry you in this scenario and then you'll spend the rest of your life in a loveless marriage unaware of your husband's affairs."

"But maybe that wouldn't happen."

He laughed bitterly. "Rey."

"I would have developed feelings for Ben," her words were like venom.

Poisoning him.

Kylo's eyes widened from her statement but just for a moment. His eyes dulled back to it's normal state and fluttered at her in despair. "It wouldn't matter. Nothing would ever happened. Ben wouldn't want to be the reason your relationship fell apart."

"Even if he knew my boyfriend was unfaithful?"

"He wouldn't have known and neither would have you."

"We would have done something," Rey's voice went low.

Kylo shook his head. "Nothing would have happened. Ben wouldn't allow himself. You are with someone -

"I would have kissed Ben. I would have kissed Ben in a parked police car. Maybe at his desk late at night."

She watches him stiffen at the thought - watches the man Kylo had trapped inside respond positively to her words.

"You would never do that. You would be with your boyfriend of something years. You're not the type of person to do that. And Ben isn't that kind of person either. You think he would be warm to you but he wouldn't. He would distance himself from day one in fear of being that kind of person. The idea you have in your mind is just fantasy. A dream."

"And what's the reality?"

"You're with me. You're with Kylo. And I'm not a good man."

"I never said I was with you."

"And I never said I was a good man. From now on you are with me."

* * *

Before he leaves he uncuffed her. But he didn't let her roam freely. His hand acted as a chain, latched on to her wrist. He led her to her bathroom and gave her privacy to bathe and go the restroom and brush her teeth. He waited by the entrance, giving her no chance to escape. Once she opened the bathroom door he grasped her wrist and led her back to her bedroom.

He fed her more bites of the food he had made for her along with forcing her to drink more water.

"I'll be back soon," he stated as he cuffed her back to the bed. He allows her to dress herself completely before he does so.

"What if I have to go to the bathroom?" she countered with defiance.

"You just went."

"I'm bound to go again sometime."

"I won't be gone that long." He placed a stack of books next to her along with a puzzle and a coloring book and coloring pencils.

"How about my phone?" she asked, scrunching her nose at the sight of the coloring book. Did he think she was a child or something?

"You will get your phone on good behavior," he stated calmly.

"Aren't I on good behavior right now?"

"I will judge your behavior when I come back."

"I need to go to work."

"I called you out earlier in the morning. I told them you were sick."

"You called?"

"Texted," he corrected himself. "As if it makes any difference."

* * *

She waited until he leaves. She waits until he was gone in order to pick at the handcuffs. She breaks free in a matter of minutes and allowed herself to walk around her apartment, attempting to give her some time to think.

She shouldn't have slept with him. He thinks he's entitled to her.

But what could she do?

She couldn't cast him aside. He's a wanted man. He's not safe. He was supposed to be killed. Dead.

Rey bit at her nails.

She went to go out for a run to help clear her mind and then went to get some hot food. When she came back, he was there. Waiting.

"Where did you go?" he crossed his arms.

"You can't keep me chained up. I can go wherever I want," she spat out. "You don't own me, Kylo. What happened last night was a one time thing. It's over. You can't come here anymore."

He smirked and laughed at her coldly. "Do you honestly think that it's over?"

"Yes."

"It's not over unless I say it's over."

"Stop," she gritted her teeth.

"You slept with a monster, Rey. A mad man. A lunatic. A killer."

"It was out of weakness. Out of pity," she screeched. She's angry. She's angry at herself, completely sickened that she allowed herself to do something so vile.

"It was out of love," he said firmly.

"I don't love you -

"You risked your career to free me. You went against your morals - you let me in. And you allowed me to sleep with you. What other explanation is there?"

"I _pitied_ you," she hissed.

"That wasn't what you were saying last night," he smirked. "Rey you slept with me. You gave yourself to me in every way possible. There's no turning back. The life you once knew is gone." He snatched her by the waist and pulled her towards him.

She struggled to be free from his grasp. "Last night was a mistake -

"You can't take it back."

"Let go!" she screamed, banging at his chest.

"I can't just like how there's no way you can go back. The only thing you can do is finish our mistake."

Rey ignored him and hit him but he held on to her. Unaffected even though she was leaving bruises.

"I'm not a good man but I'll be good to you Rey -

"Kylo - what are you trying to say?"

"I love you Rey. No matter how many times you hit and push me away, I'm always going to love you."

Her eyes began burn. "Stop! Stop it - Stop saying it-

He kissed her.

She slapped him but he held on to her.

"I'm not going to stop," he said firmly. Blood was trickling from the corner of his lips. "Nothing you can ever do can make me stop loving you."

"Kylo -

"I can give you everything -

"How can you?" she screamed, tears running down from her eyes. "You're a wanted man, Kylo. Sooner or later, someone's going to find out that I freed you. We're living on borrowed time."

"I can give you everything. I want to be with you. I want to marry you." He released her then.

Rey's eyes went wide at the sight. "What are you doing?" she took a step back as she watched him go on one knee.

"I promised you months ago that one day I'll get you a ring when the time is right. And today I'm fulfilling my promise." He pulled out a ring from his pocket. It was in a small blue velvet box but he opened it and showed her what was inside. It was a diamond ring, with a rose gold setting. She blinked several times. She remembers it - the joke he had made to her months ago about getting her a ring someday. Or she assumed so. She assumed it was a joke - that he was taunting her. Rey blinked in astonishment at the sight.

"You stole this -

"I stole this the way you stole me from my cell. I stole this with good intentions." He took the ring and slid it on her finger. "Rey, will you be my wife?"

She forced herself to close her mouth. She squeezed his hand tightly. "Yes," she said as she trembled.


	9. Playdates with Mr. J

Her skin tightened at the sight of the ring on her finger. It glimmered underneath the light. "No. I mean no - I don't know what I'm saying."

"Yes. Yes you do." He held her hand down from trying to rip the ring off. He held her hand tightly, holding her as she shook. "What's done is done."

"That's not how a marriage works."

"Tell me then what is this then?" Kylo countered. "You can't stand the idea of anything happening to me. You turned away from your everything to free me. You slept with me, you let me do every little thing to you. What is this Rey? What's all of this then?"

She shook her head. "Stop -

"Be with me. We can be a family."

"What you supposed we do for income? Certainly you don't think being a gang leader is a honest living?"

"We'll move away. Far away. I'll take another name. I'll work odd jobs until I make something out of myself - Rey. I love you so much. I'm not going to leave you ever."

"We will have to wait a while before moving," she said weakly. Cautiously. "It'll seem too suspicious if I moved right away after your disappearance." She was still being under investigation over Kylo's disappearance since she was involved with him as a sort of counselor.

Kylo takes her answer as a yes and span her around and smiled. "We'll wait a while. Lay low. When we do move we can dye our hair blonde."

Rey laughed. "You'll make a horrible blonde."

* * *

The police station was still madness, in chaos after Kylo's disappearance. Everyone was in walking on thin glass as government forces roamed about the station, asking them answer a couple of questions. Rey kept quiet and proceeded to complete the paper work that she had to do. She rolled down her sleeve to cover her ring but pressed on it from time to time as comfort.

Being married to Kylo was surprisingly nice. It worked. Sure they weren't legally married on paper but it didn't make a difference to her. He waits for her every night, at the end of her shift. He waits for her with dinner ready and helps around her apartment. He's still leading his gang but they don't bring that to discussion when they have conversations. Her relationship feels more legitimate than when she was with Poe.

She felt horrible. Disgusted with herself. Her weakness. But she couldn't help it. She didn't want him to die - she couldn't let him die.

She took several breaths. Just another month, she reminded herself. The FBI should be gone in a month.

Rey bit at her nails and proceeded to finish her paperwork. For once she was happy to have it. A way for her to hide behind the mess she's made. She feels horrible with herself. Commissioner Skywalker was being under investigation along with the managers and workers at the Asylum.

Her eyes shot up as she watched Skywalker enter the station. "You look like you saw a ghost," he said calmly.

"I'm just concerned." She was. She feels bad for her colleagues going through this - this lockdown. The FBI was here along with other services searching for Kylo all around the city and neighboring cities with trained dogs and advanced equipment. "I'm afraid of what's going to happen to everyone."

Commissioner Skywalker chuckled.

"Why are you laughing at a time like this?"

"You think that this is the first time the government's here investigating the station? Rey things like this happens often. Yearly. And we always get cleared. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Trin's eyes flickered at them - at Rey and Commissioner Skywalker. Something was off. Skywalker was strangely calm at a situation like this.

* * *

When it was time to clock out of work, he follows Rey. He follows her behind. "Are you okay? You've been on edge, kid."

Rey nodded. "I'm fine. I'm just overwhelmed at how many people there are."

Trin shrugged. "You'll get used to it. I'm just not used to Skywalker being so damn calm all the time."

"Is he always like that? With intense situations?"

Trin thought for a while. "Yeah," he blinked. "Always. Like we're always being investigated ever since Ben lost his mind and started shooting people. The government's very strict with us since he was a member of the force. They've always been investigating us ever since he went homicidal."

Rey blinked. She was about to open her car door until she heard his words. "Did they ever investigated you guys when he had an accident?

"You mean the power plant?"

Rey nodded.

Trin shook his head.

"Why not?"

"It was an accident, Rey. Things like that happen all the time."

"Were you there during the accident?"

He shook his head.

"But you were there to witness the aftermath. How bad was the accident?"

"Ben ended up being hospitalized for a month. It looked like it was fatal. His skin was burned from the acid and he was in a coma wrapped up in bandages. But then he healed out of nowhere. His third degree burns were gone and he looked like a new man. The city officials did send some people to test him to make sure he was fine physically and mentally."

"Did he pass the tests?"

"He did. One hundred percent. Even blood tests. Hell like his vision became better even. But tests aren't always accurate. Look at him now. He's lost his mind."

"That accident was that when you noticed a change in him?"

"He seemed better off after the accident. He was more involved. He seemed happy. He was faster. He was stronger. He was -

"A changed man," Rey's eyes lowered.

Trin exhaled. "He did change but it all seemed positive."

"I don't understand. Why did the city officials come to investigate the station?"

"Ben was supposed to be the new commissioner. They wanted to make sure he was in the right state of mind after what had happened to him."

That must have been why the station kept the state of their soon to be commissioner a secret. They didn't want to report the accident to the public. They didn't want the civilians to be concerned. "Skywalker must have been calm because he had faith in Ben."

Trin frowned. "Yeah. He did. It's strange. He's acting the same way right now. So calm in this situation. I can't help but think there's something off."

* * *

When she came home, Kylo wasn't there. But she finds wrapped up food on the table and a note telling her to enjoy and that he will come back as soon as possible. Rey bit her lip but reminded herself to turn the other cheek. They will leave this place when the time is right. They will start a new life, she reminded herself. But right now, this temporary state felt permanent.

She sat herself down and peeled off the foil and reheated the food. He had made her a plate, prime rib and grilled veggies. The rest of it, as told by the note, was in the fridge if she wanted more. He's surprisingly a good cook. Rey for the life of her couldn't cook to save her life. She was good at mechanics and combat and solving complex equations but failed to learn how to make something edible. She can make certain things like eggs or oatmeal but most of her meals consisted of frozen dinners, takeout, and instant noodles.

It's strange that she's being taken care of by a killer. It's strange that he treats her well and loves her so. She expected the worse but he was once Ben. Ben, was a man that took care of himself that always made sure he was eating healthy and kept a clean house and pressed clothes and made sure he presented himself well. There's traces in Kylo of that the man that he once was. Maybe...the man was still there.

It's only a foolish thought - but the thought had some validity to it.

Because, he wants to leave this city so they can have a new life together. He wants to throw everything he had built in order to have the traditional life - more time together, a safer and more honorable job, and to have children. That side of him was Ben. Ben was a very traditional man to some extent. He wasn't the kind to expect her to be the housewife - hell he doesn't mind doing that department. In fact, Rey thinks he sort of enjoys it - taking care of her home whenever she couldn't. Like for instance she'll do laundry and leave it in the hamper to fold them the next day but Kylo, he likes to fold the clothes immediately. It's very, very disturbing how easily they both transitioned in being together. She wasn't weirded out to find his laundry in the mix or arrive from work to find him ironing or washing dishes. The only times that did shake her was when he comes home all bloody and she had to run him a bath while he scrubbed the blood out of his clothes.

Rey stopped eating and stared blankly at her plate.

She wondered then how life would be if she was the same age as him - if she did join the force when Ben was still around. Would her presence prevent his downfall? Would they had gotten together? Or would the events be inevitable?

Those thoughts haunt her.

Constantly.

* * *

In the middle of the night, he comes.

She's awaken by the sound of clothes being discarded. She sat up in the bed. It's still dark - but she remained still and lets him find her.

"You're awake," he murmurs in the dark as he crawled on top of her.

"You woke me," she stated, searching. She finds his face and leads him to her lips.

He takes her with excitement, fondness. "Someone's eager," he says as he hungrily kissed her.

She lets him nuzzle her neck, lets him feel her breasts before making his way down. "If you want me to not want you, I will," she whispered.

He pushes her on her back and searches for her breasts, tugging on every item. "You know we don't want that," he chuckles as he latched onto a nipple. He began sucking, sucking as if he was newborn animal in need for milk.

"There's no milk," she sighs as found his hair.

"There will be."

She stroked his hair and remained still at the thought. They want to have children but she's very adamant about bringing a child into the world with a father like him.

Kylo lets go of nipple and searches for her face. He kisses her lips but only catches the corner. "I'll be a very good father," he assures her, assures that thought that he knows she thinks about often. He kisses her again, searches for her lips but misses and gets her ear.

She giggled. "For a man of darkness, you are blind."

She rolls on top of him then, and kisses his mouth perfectly. She feels his hand stroke her back. She sighs in pleasure at the tenderness he gives her. When he shows her his gentleness for her, his softness, Rey couldn't help but to melt. Because for that moment, they are normal. They are husband and wife. His hand slides up to the side of her face. Gently he presses her down to his lay on his chest. "Sleep. You have a long day ahead," he tells her, stroking her hair.

Rey loves sleeping on his chest. Adores it so.

She lifted her head. "But I want you to sleep with me." She can feel the heat of his body blushing. "What's wrong?" But in reality she's not bothered. For she likes when he gets shy with her. It was a reminder that Ben was still there. Most of the times Kylo was eager, hell there were many times he'd fucked her when she was cleaning. He'd fuck her on all fours and make her scrub the floors to save time.

"Nothing it's just -

"You're not used to being with someone that's very sexually active?"

"I don't mind that," he said smugly.

Rey could tell he was smirking. "Then why are you suddenly so shy?"

"It made me remember something."

"What?"

"It's nothing just long ago."

"When you were Ben?"

"Yeah."

"What was the thought?"

He hesitated.

"You can tell me anything," she assured. "I was really into when you wanted to have sex with me with your mask on or when you put me on a leash for the whole weekend." Both things ended up very much liking, she wanted to add. Because she likes being with him, she likes that they can talk about anything - that they can tell each other their deepest sexual desires and act upon them. She was a very sexual person beyond the façade she kept. She had never been comfortable to share her desires with anyone until him. She had multiple turn ons and fantasies but her favorite one this week was when they pretended they were still in the cell and he would have would have his way with her and force her mouth to open and put her on her knees so he could pleasure himself. Sometimes he'd even handcuff her arms back during the act or chain her to the couch and make her watch him jack off. Sometimes he'll dry hump her and spank her with the baton.

"Fine," he bit his lip. "It just a silly thought - no big deal. I was thinking how lonely I used to be."

"You'd never been with a woman that was comfortable with your tastes?"

"Rey."

"Yes?"

"You know that you're the only girl I've been with right?"

"I know -

"No I don't mean seriously. I mean, ever."

She raised her eyebrow. "What are you trying to say?" She knows he had been dates before but never really had a serious girlfriend.

"You're the only girl I've been with," Kylo stated again, stroking her cheek.

"Ever?"

He nodded. "Yes."

He doesn't seem embarrassed. He seems proud.

She couldn't help but to be startled at the revelation. He..."Am...I your first time too?" He was a virgin before her. He was a mid thirty something virgin. And he lost his virginity to a twenty four year old girl with experience.

"Yes. Does that bother you?"

"No it just - you seemed very experienced." She remembers their first time and how he made her legs give out. "And you implied that you had sex before -

"I was lying," he laughed.

"I'm surprised that you haven't."

"Your perfect Ben watched a lot of porn. He was never good with attracting women."

Rey couldn't help but to frown. She couldn't see that but a second later she does. She sees Ben coming from work, depressed and alone. She can see him making himself dinner and eating quietly in front of the TV. She can see him in the middle of night spending hours masturbating to porn. "I thought you would have least had sex with prostitutes -

"We're not into that."

Rey blinked.

He was starting to refer himself as two people.

But this doesn't bother her for she was far too invested with him, her husband.

"We both wanted to sleep with someone that loved us the way we loved her," he added. "I'm still surprised me and him were able to be married to a perfect woman."

She immediately kisses him then, kissing away that memory. "I would have loved you just the same."

* * *

When morning came, Rey's awakened by the sound of her phone. She looked up at her clock and moaned. It was an hour before her alarm would wake her.

Kylo groaned to the sound. "Who the fuck is calling you at this hour?" he asked as he tightened his hold on her.

She was on his chest and was too lazy to get up. Instead she used all her will to stretch her arm and snatched up her phone. She hastily swiped answer and waited for her eyes to adjust and squint to see the name. Trin. "Hello?" she asked groggily. "Why the hell are you calling me this early?"

"I think you would want to see this."

"What's so important that you couldn't wait until I was at the department?"

"Well first of all Rookie there's fucking government agents around. You don't exactly want to talk about it."

"What is it?"

"I found some recorded videos of the accident."

**Author's Note:**

> to be continued. please review :)


End file.
